I’ve completed the shitty first draft of my latest novel with a day to spare. The revised goal was to complete it by the end of the year, and it has been a struggle as I’ve spent a large chunk of the last few months looking after my 92-year-old Dad and my brother who has just had a major operation. I was then laid low with labyrinthitis, which sounds like it ought to by a sequel to a film by Guillermo Del Toro, but is an infection of the inner ear, so it was sit up and throw up for a number of weeks. I’m very grateful to the help of my friends and the writing retreat run by Global Wordsmiths to get me to the finish line.
After dancing around the lounge in celebration, I returned to the computer, was faced with an empty page, and felt … bereft. I’ve got a million things to do, none of which appeals, and I know I’ll motivate myself to do at least some of them later on, but I was surprised by the strength of the emotion. It’s not as if I don’t know I’ll need to rewrite the novel a few times before it is fit for public consumption, because I do, but I expected to feel jubilation and relief and a sense of achievement, not an aching sense of loss. So, after a cup of tea and a little reflection I reckoned it was the loss of sense of purpose. Not the obligations and duties which seem to increase exponentially because those are always there with their heavy reminders, but the sense of doing something that fills my thoughts and warms my soul.
Does anyone else have this sense of deflation after finishing something?
2 thoughts on “The Unexpected Emotions On Completing the Shitty First Draft”
Hi, I am reading your first book and felt that I particularly like your style of writing. I have read quite a few different authors of lesfic and so was pleasantly surprised with your content, method, style, and storyline. In comparison to others, your characters have a wonderful depth which, having read your blogs, very closely portray your personal struggles with your father. You lay bare many of your insecurities about yourself through your characters, so on the score of “digging deap” for emotions, as a reader, I think you have done superbly well. I hope to read many more of your novels.
There is a real lack of lesfic novels out there that have storylines with depth and too many that portray lesbians as shallow, overemotional, perfect in every physical way and super wealthy. You did, have a family of wealthy folk but did it in such a way as to portray Maud as a person who was prepared to find her own way with hard work and determination.
I love your blogs too. They show your procedural thinking about your craft, the effort you put in to produce the perfect work for your reader and of course in creating a following.
Well done, I hope to read many more.
Hi Natalie, thank you so much for your kind words. It’s always touching and humbling when I receive such kind comments. Thank you. E.V.